What K-6th Grade Teachers Wish Parents Knew About Back-to-School.
For this article, I invited five experienced educators to share what they wish parents knew before the school year begins. Together, they represent well over 140 years of teaching experience, spanning preschool through sixth grade and beyond. While each teacher brought a unique perspective, their responses revealed several common themes that every parent can benefit from hearing.
While you’ve enjoyed memorable times with your kids, summer is ending. You’ve been working hard to find the perfect backpack, shoes that fit, and the elusive items on the classroom list.
Whether your child is dreading school or can’t wait to see their friends, as a parent, you’re bracing for “back-to-school.”
So much is contained in those three little words.
Back to getting everyone out the door on time. Back to figuring out lunches and after-school logistics. Back to bedtimes, homework, and shuttling children here, there, and everywhere.
There are also a lot of questions:
Will my child like their teacher?
Will they make friends?
What if they are anxious?
What if they don't fit in?
What if they struggle academically?
What if they don't want to go?
As a child therapy specialist, I often get questions like these from parents. Rather than offering my own list of back-to-school advice, I decided to ask a group of experts—people who have spent years and years teaching children in the classroom.
The first question I asked was:
“What do you wish parents knew before the school year begins?”
“Don't worry too much. The teachers are working very hard to make school positive and successful for your child.”
—30-year veteran teacher who taught students from preschool through high school
As I reflected back on all the collected wisdom, this was perhaps the most consistent message I heard:
Take a breath. Your child and their teacher may be more capable of handling the transition than you realize.
It’s Going to Be Okay
I know as you prepare your children for returning to school, you may be reassuring them about many things. Parents sometimes imagine that their child walks into a new classroom and immediately needs to be completely comfortable, confident, socially successful, and ready to learn.
But adjustment takes time.
“It’s going to be okay” was the encouragement from the 30-year veteran teacher who taught students from preschool through high school.
And the adjustment isn't only happening for children. Teachers are learning:
who your child is
how they learn
what motivates them
what makes them nervous
who they connect with
where they need support
A 6th-grade teacher with 24 years of experience put it this way:
“Teachers are the new kid in the class—especially in the 6th grade. They’ve all been traveling together for the past 6 years and teachers are the new guy—give us time to adjust.”
Remember when your child returns to school:
“Teachers are there to help your child grow and learn.”
—20+ year veteran elementary teacher
Overwhelmingly, the teachers I interviewed wanted to reassure you, as a parent. The transition back to school is a process, not an event that must be executed perfectly on day one.
Your child may cry the first day, and the day after that, and on other days too.
For younger children especially, tears don't necessarily mean something is going wrong.
A 37-year veteran primary teacher reminds parents that emotional ups and downs are part of the adjustment:
“Emotionally, it is expected that tears may flow, and that the first few weeks of school will produce tiredness and moodiness.”
Starting school means learning new routines, following classroom expectations, navigating relationships, and adjusting to boundaries. That's a lot of work for a young child.
A child doesn't have to feel comfortable on Day 1 for the transition to be going well. The 20+ year veteran elementary teacher reminds us all:
“It will be okay. Trust the process.”
Your Child May Not Need You to Fix Everything
Children learn a lot of things beyond academics in school. They will encounter social situations, rules, and expectations. There will be learning differences between students, and things your child may not like.
As a parent, you may understandably want to protect your child from:
loneliness
disappointment
conflict
mistakes
uncomfortable feelings
consequences
But when I asked teachers, “What is one mistake you see loving, well-intentioned parents make every year?”, they repeatedly emphasized the importance of allowing children to work through some of these experiences.
The 20+ year veteran elementary teacher highlighted how:
“Parents sometimes want to control everything from who their child sits next beside to what birthday parties they are invited to.”
As a therapist who often works with children and parents, I know that sometimes, with the best of intentions, a parent can reinforce behavior they don't want by interrupting the course of natural consequences.
Your child forgets their lunch, and you drive it to the school on more than a few occasions. Or your child has a habit of not planning ahead for big assignments, and you stay up all night the night before finishing it for them out of fear of a bad grade.
The 6th-grade teacher with 24 years of experience pointed out:
“Natural consequences are a part of life.”
The 20+ year veteran elementary teacher agrees:
“Parents want to rescue their child from natural consequences. This does not work in the long run.”
Children may also be untruthful to avoid trouble at school and at home. For example, your child may not be doing all their homework, and yet they tell you they are doing it.
The 30+ year veteran 6th-grade teacher sees another well-meaning mistake:
“Believing everything their child says and not allowing their child to struggle.”
“Trying to excuse their kids out of a situation” is a mistake the 6th-grade teacher with 24 years of experience sees.
From my perspective, none of these teachers are suggesting that parents shouldn't advocate for their children. Quite the opposite. They are encouraging parents to distinguish between advocacy and rescue.
Sometimes as parents, our job isn't to remove the difficulty. Sometimes it's to say:
“I know this is hard. I'm here. Let's think about what you can do next.”
And remember, while it’s important to encourage your children, it’s also important to set expectations. As the 30+ year veteran 6th-grade teacher wisely said:
“It's OK to struggle. It's not OK to give up.”
Children develop confidence not because adults prevent every difficult experience, but because they experience:
“That was hard—and I got through it.”
There is another way parents can give children opportunities to practice these skills: by allowing some unstructured time. A 37-year veteran primary teacher points out that children need opportunities to solve problems without adults—or technology—immediately filling the space for them:
“Not everything in school has to be structured. Unstructured times help a child to build their problem solving skills. These skills can be academic or social-emotional.”
In other words, boredom isn't necessarily something that needs to be fixed. Sometimes it gives children room to imagine, negotiate, problem-solve, and figure out what to do next.
A 37-year veteran primary teacher, who has taught kindergarten through third grade, adds another piece to this: independence. She encourages parents to make sure children can manage age-appropriate self-care tasks on their own—from tying shoes and managing zippers to using the restroom independently.
“I would like for parents to instill independence and emotional readiness in their children.”
—37-year veteran primary teacher
Don’t Get on the Emotional Roller Coaster with Your Child
There is plenty of anxiety to go around when school starts. I think a lot of kids and parents walk around with worry. You can feel and see it on their faces this time of year.
The 20+ year veteran elementary teacher shared:
“Sometimes school can seem like a roller coaster. Everything seems like a big deal at the time, but it really isn't.”
She explains that children might:
love a friend one day
be upset with that friend the next
be frustrated with their teacher
come home happy the following day
The emotional landscape can change quickly.
And perhaps the best advice I heard about this was:
“Just don't get on the roller coaster with your child.”
—20+ year veteran elementary teacher
It’s hard when your child is having ups and downs at school. However, when you get anxious about their anxiety, it can become a negative feedback loop.
Your child may experience anxiety, and as a parent you can let them know:
“It's OK to experience anxiety. Be firm and kind. Do not feed into your child's anxiety with your own.”
—30+ year veteran 6th-grade teacher
The 30-year veteran teacher who taught students from preschool through high school echoed these thoughts:
“Children tend to absorb their parents' stress and anxiety.”
On the flip side, a child’s anxiety can drive a parent to want to fix things for the child. She advises:
“Parents don't have to have an answer for everything or a solution for every issue. Just listen and affirm your child and their feelings.”
For parents, it can be difficult to know when childhood worries are a normal part of development and when anxiety may be interfering with everyday life. Learn more about anxiety in children.
Let Your Child Have Feelings Without Letting Feelings Drive Everything
This is an important distinction.
The 30+ year veteran 6th-grade teacher advises:
“Acknowledge the struggles but keep your child moving forward.”
Your child's feelings don't always require a solution.
Sometimes a child needs:
listening
empathy
reassurance
a hug
a snack
a little time
a good night's sleep
before they're ready to figure out what comes next.
As parents, it can help to distinguish between validation and amplification.
Validation:
“Sounds like today was really hard.”
Amplification:
“Oh my goodness! What happened? Why would that child do that? Do you think the teacher is upset with you?”
The parent can acknowledge the feeling without making the feeling bigger.
Be the steady place your child can return to.
Your Child’s Worries May Not Be Your Worries
Parents sometimes anticipate problems that their children don't experience—or don't experience in the same way.
The 30-year veteran teacher who taught students from preschool through high school offers this reminder:
“Remember that your worries as a parent are probably not your child's worries.”
I’ve seen this time and time again in the therapy room. Your child may be worried they won’t get enough time to play on the playground at lunchtime, while you’re concerned they’re not eating their lunch.
Or you’re worried about how they’re doing in math, while they’re scared to read out loud in the classroom.
Whether it’s memorizing times tables, figuring out how to join others on the playground, or mastering the vocabulary list, the 30-year veteran teacher who taught students from preschool through high school reassures:
“Don't underestimate your child's ability to adjust and master new challenges.”
She also says:
“Listen to your child, affirm their feelings, have confidence in your child.”
Several teachers mentioned the worry that a child will be alone at school.
“Making friends is usually a big concern for parents.”
—30+ year veteran 6th-grade teacher
The 20+ year veteran elementary teacher shared:
“Parents worry about who will be in their child's class and whether their best friend will be in the same classroom.”
But she also reminds parents:
“Your child will find friends in their class. Teachers work behind the scenes to help this happen.”
A 37-year veteran primary teacher offers a similar reminder, particularly for younger children:
“Young children tend to shift friend groups based on their activities and their personal interests. Parents need to give their children their space in making friends as the year progresses.”
Some children are more quiet and are not individuals who will connect with everyone in their classroom. One or two close friends may be what they prefer. And that’s okay.
The 30+ year veteran 6th-grade teacher beautifully advises:
“Give time to navigate. Their people may not appear right away at school. They may be found in extracurricular activities.”
A child doesn't need to identify their “best friend” on the first day.
They may need to:
observe
try different friendships
play with different children
discover shared interests
eventually find their people
Routine Is More Powerful Than We Think
I asked a couple of similar questions: “What is something parents often underestimate that actually makes a big difference?” and “What helps children settle into the first few weeks of school?”
The teachers were remarkably consistent here.
The 6th-grade teacher with 24 years of experience notices how:
“Getting into a routine makes a world of difference.”
The 30+ year veteran 6th-grade teacher highlighted the importance of:
“Mealtimes and bedtimes. Homework times. Morning routines.”
The 20+ year veteran elementary teacher agreed:
“Routine! Bedtime! A good routine sets them up for success.”
The 30-year veteran teacher who taught students from preschool through high school reminds parents:
“Having calm routines at home is very important for all children. And don't forget the importance of healthy food and plenty of sleep.”
For younger children, a visual schedule can also make the transition from summer to school easier. One 37-year veteran primary teacher recommends helping children anticipate the rhythm of their day, including a predictable morning departure routine and bedtime.
“Children need to transition from a laid back summer schedule to a more structured school schedule. This may include a visual aid to help them visualize their day.”
—37-year veteran primary teacher
Teachers recommend paying attention to:
consistent bedtimes
enough sleep
regular meals
healthy snacks
hydration
morning routines
preparing the night before
homework routines
a predictable place to work
having needed supplies ready
The 6th-grade teacher with 24 years of experience sums it up this way:
“Helping set up habits for success is key, habits that can stay with them on their educational journey.”
The First Few Weeks May Be Exhausting
One thing that stood out from the 30-year veteran teacher who taught students from preschool through high school is something parents might not think about.
She explains:
“Going to school takes a lot of physical and mental energy. Expect your child to be quite tired those first weeks of school.”
When children are tired from the physical and mental fatigue of going back to school, it’s normal to see:
crankiness
needing downtime
wanting an earlier bedtime
less interest in extracurricular activities
emotional “meltdowns” after school
A child who comes home exhausted doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong.
They're learning a new environment, navigating social relationships, following classroom expectations, listening, transitioning, and managing their emotions. And they’re doing this all day.
Sometimes “I'm exhausted” really does mean “I worked hard today.”
The 37-year veteran primary teacher emphasizes another piece of the puzzle: don't underestimate how much rest children need during this transition.
“Rest is vital for a child to settle into the routine of school.”
She also cautions parents not to fill every afternoon with activities:
“Do not over schedule your student with after school activities that will lead to no free time, stress, and exhaustion.”
Sometimes a cranky, upset child has an exhausted brain and body. If your child regularly falls apart after school, you may want to read my earlier article, [After-School Meltdowns: Why Your Child Falls Apart After School—and What You Can Do].
The 30-year veteran teacher also offers another important reminder:
“Your child is able.”
And:
“Parents and children alike can embrace the challenges and the difficulties as well as the growth and successes.”
Talk to the Teacher First
Overwhelmingly, teachers want partnership—and for that to happen, there needs to be open communication.
The 20+ year veteran elementary teacher put it beautifully:
“Parents and teachers are partners working together for the benefit of the child. Communication is everything.”
The 6th-grade teacher with 24 years of experience encouraged:
“If any issues come up, always go to the teacher first. Teachers get blindsided and blamed when in reality we had no idea something was going on.”
The 30+ year veteran 6th-grade teacher reminds parents:
“The teacher is on your child's side.”
She also shared:
“If they are struggling, it is a team effort between home and school to get them on track. Success builds on success.”
Teachers aren't sitting on the other side of the table from parents.
They're on the same team.
If something is happening at home that may affect your child's ability to learn—family stress, sleep problems, major changes, anxiety, grief, or another significant transition—teachers can't always know unless parents tell them.
The 6th-grade teacher with 24 years of experience said it beautifully:
“We're not mind readers.”
Kindergarten Through Sixth Grade: What Changes?
One of the things I especially appreciated about talking with teachers who have worked with different ages is that the advice changes as children grow.
A kindergartener and a sixth grader may both be nervous about school, but they don't necessarily need the same kind of support from their parents.
Younger Children: Play Can Help Them Process Worries
For younger children, art therapy, play and imagination can provide a natural way to explore worries that are difficult to express directly.
The 30-year veteran teacher who taught students from preschool through high school recommends:
“Encouraging play acting or drawing to let a child express worries can sometimes be therapeutic, especially for young children.”
If your child is worried about starting school, you might try:
Drawing what they think school will look like
Having stuffed animals act out the first day
Drawing two pictures: “What I'm excited about” and “What I'm worried about”
Playing “school” together and letting your child be the teacher
Reading a book about starting school and talking about the characters' feelings
You don't necessarily have to convince a young child that there is nothing to worry about. You can give them a safe way to explore the worry.
A 37-year veteran primary teacher also offers a simple reminder for parents facing tears at drop-off:
“Let them cry. Just go and get some coffee. Trust me, the school will call you if your child cannot be calmed down.”
For some children, the hardest part is the separation itself. A tearful goodbye doesn't necessarily mean your child will have a difficult day. Sometimes the most helpful thing a parent can do is offer a calm, confident goodbye and allow the teacher to take over.
Older Elementary Children: Encourage Independence
As children move into upper elementary school, the goal begins to shift toward independence and self-advocacy.
The 6th-grade teacher with 24 years of experience encourages parents:
“Encourage your student to advocate for themselves. It's very empowering.”
The 30+ year veteran 6th-grade teacher also emphasized organization and time management.
This developmental shift is important.
As children grow, the goal gradually moves from:
“I'll help you solve this.”
toward:
“How do you think you could handle this?”
That doesn't mean parents become less involved. It means that, little by little, we give children more opportunities to practice the skills they'll eventually need to manage on their own.
A Note About Phones and Social Media for Older Kids
For parents, deciding when to place a cell phone in a child's hands—or whether to allow social media at all—can feel fraught with pros and cons.
The 6th-grade teachers I spoke with were very clear about the challenges they see.
The 6th-grade teacher with 24 years of experience said:
“Social Media, it will ruin everyone's day. Hold off on a phone for as long as you can. Once you open Pandora's box it's hard to close it again.”
The 30+ year veteran 6th-grade teacher explained:
“The anxiety of making or receiving calls/texts is real for the students.”
She was particularly emphatic about allowing children to be present during the school day:
“DO NOT CALL OR TEXT THEM DURING THE SCHOOL DAY!”
She also shared her observation:
“Students who do not have phones tend to be less anxious and more carefree.”
If your child has a phone, create clear boundaries around when and how it is used.
The goal isn't to make your child instantly reachable every moment of the day. It's to help them develop the ability to manage their school day independently.
For parents who want to explore this topic more deeply, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Jonathan Haidt offers a broader discussion of childhood, technology, and social media.
What Does a Successful First Month Actually Look Like?
The answers to this question were some of my favorites. The teachers' answers are wonderfully grounding.
“Happy students, happy parents!”
—30-year veteran teacher who taught students from preschool through high school
“Good attendance, routines established… learning is taking place. Students feel safe and cared for.”
—20+ year veteran elementary teacher
“When they come in with nerves and then in the first month come to realize that they worried for nothing.”
—6th-grade teacher with 24 years of experience
“Students come to school on time every day well rested and ready to engage in learning.”
—30+ year veteran 6th-grade teacher
And from a 37-year veteran primary teacher:
“Happy and respectful children who are excited about learning. Classroom routines are being established and followed.”
Notice what the teachers didn't say.
They didn't say:
Your child should love school every day.
Your child should have a best friend immediately.
Your child should get straight A's.
Your child shouldn't cry.
Your child should be completely independent.
Your child should never struggle.
Instead, success looks more like:
Safety.
Routine.
Relationships.
Learning.
Growing confidence.
Showing up.
Working through challenges.
And Finally… Teachers Really Do Love Your Kids
After all the practical advice, I wanted to share the softer side of teachers. I asked the question:
“What's something children do or did while you were teaching that makes you smile every September?”
The answers reminded me that behind all the routines, expectations, homework, grades, and classroom management are adults who genuinely enjoy getting to know our children.
“They smile at me. They are excited to come to school.”
—30+ year veteran 6th-grade teacher
The 30-year veteran teacher who taught students from preschool through high school shared:
“They were so tender-spirited to each other and to me when we shared emotional stories and our most vulnerable feelings.”
The 20+ year veteran elementary teacher said:
“They accidentally call me ‘mom’.”
And the 30-year veteran teacher shared this particularly sweet memory:
“They wanted to marry me, even when I was old enough to be their grandmother.”
The 30+ year veteran 6th-grade teacher added:
“I love the artwork they do on their papers. I love to hear what they did over the summer.”
After all the conversations about routines, sleep, anxiety, friendships, phones, homework, and independence, I wanted to end with something much simpler.
Teachers like your kids.
They notice the artwork.
They listen to the summer stories.
They laugh when they're accidentally called “Mom.”
And sometimes, the things that make teachers smile are wonderfully ordinary.
“I washed my hands after going poop!”
—37-year veteran primary teacher
They see children become nervous and then brave.
They see friendships form.
They watch children grow.
And they care.
From My Perspective as a Child Therapist
The teachers' responses reinforce something I see in my own work with children:
Children don't need adults to make every difficult feeling disappear. They need adults who can help them feel safe enough to move through those feelings.
That can mean validating feelings, helping children practice emotional regulation, tolerating uncertainty, developing independence, building mastery, and allowing children to experience manageable challenges.
For younger children, play and art can provide a natural way to explore worries that are difficult to express directly. For older children, parents can increasingly help them practice problem-solving, self-advocacy, organization, and independence.
Perhaps most importantly, children need adults who believe they are capable.
One teacher reminded us:
“It's OK to struggle. It's not OK to give up.”
And another said:
“Success builds on success.”
You don't have to make this school year perfect.
You don't have to anticipate every problem.
You don't have to solve every friendship issue.
You don't have to make your child fearless.
You can listen.
You can stay calm.
You can establish routines.
You can communicate with the teacher.
You can let your child struggle a little.
And you can trust that your child is growing—and that their teachers want them to succeed.
Perhaps the best back-to-school gift we can give our children isn't a perfectly prepared backpack or a worry-free first day, but the quiet confidence that says, “I know this might be hard—and I believe you can do it.”
Learn More About Therapy for Children & Families
If your child is struggling with anxiety, transitions, friendships, or big emotions as the school year begins, you don't have to navigate it alone. Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to talk about what's going on and whether therapy might be a good fit for your child and family.
I am Tamatha "Tami" Earnhart, LMFT, ATR, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Registered Art Therapist serving North County San Diego.
I help children and adults manage anxiety, grief, and life’s stressful events through talk therapy and art therapy. By combining evidence based strategies with creative expression, I guide clients in understanding their emotions, building coping skills, and strengthening resilience.
I specialize in Art Therapy, Child Therapy for Anxiety, and Anxiety Therapy for Adults. Learn more about my approach and services on my therapy website.